


MJ Has a Hard Time Talking

by two_drama_nerds_in_a_boat



Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, But I'm always sleep deprived soooooo, Cutting, Depressing, F/F, Fluff, I wrote this and didn't edit it sue me, I'm not depressed or suicidal I swear, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kissing, MJ is depressed and a little suicidal, MJ's an artist, MJ's dad is abusive, Sad, Shuri has the best home life ever, also I was sleep deprived, it gets happier i promise, watching vines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 15:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16789867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/two_drama_nerds_in_a_boat/pseuds/two_drama_nerds_in_a_boat
Summary: MJ has a hard time talking.She isn't one for words.To manage her pain, she draws.And when her art isn't enough, she pulls out the razor.Then Shuri comes, and the pain disappears.- - -Rated Teen and Up because there isn't that much bad stuff in it, but there are some gay slurs and moments when a character is very verbally abusive. If that bothers you or triggers you, PLEASE do not read. There are also mentions of cutting and a character contemplates suicide. DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THIS WILL BOTHER YOU.





	MJ Has a Hard Time Talking

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya folks. So basically I was working on a project for my French class and then this idea popped into my head so here we are. I haven't edited it. I might edit it later. 
> 
> Michelle Jones/Shuri has been on my list of ships to write for a while, but here's my take on it. It turned out super angsty and sad. I'm sorry about that.

MJ has a hard time talking. 

She used to speak more. When she was younger, words would flow carelessly from her lips like it took no effort at all. Like it was the easiest thing in the world. When her school life was still fun and her home life was wonderful and she had time to make friends and have new experiences. But then one day her mom left, and her dad took it out on Michelle. Michelle learned how to stay quiet. How to blend into the background. How to speak only when spoken to, and how to avoid conversation entirely. Things got worse and worse, and they’re still pretty bad. So MJ doesn’t talk. She doesn’t like to. Not anymore. 

She expresses her words through images. 

She fills a sketchbook with every emotion she’s ever felt, ever sentence she’s never spoken, every thought she’s ever had to hide. Michelle pours her soul into the sketchbook. She carries it with her everywhere. When she’s at home, she hides in her room, away from her dad, and she draws in there, coping with the pain of the world by putting it down on paper. When she’s at school, she sits in class with the sketchbook and draws the people around her. Sometimes, when things get really bad at home, when her dad drinks and she needs somewhere to stay, she goes to detention and draws the people there. 

Peter Parker notices, but no one else does. He’s there a surprising number of times, for such a good student. MJ has dozens of drawings of him. She likes sketching people in crisis. It distracts her from her own constant crisis. When she’s in detention, she tries not to think about what she’s going to have to come home to. A drunk father, screaming at her, telling her she’ll never be good enough. Saying she’ll turn into a useless slut, just like her mother. Or maybe her father will be to hungover to move, passed out on the sofa. Or absent entirely. It’s a cycle, really. 

Sometimes, when her father gets really bad, the art stops being enough. She falls apart but she can’t show it, and she has nothing that she can control. When she gets this way, to this point, she brings out the razor blade and goes through the pain. She cuts up her arms in small, thin lines, and when she’s done she wears long sleeves to hide it. 

It’s not ideal. She’s know that much. But at least she can control it. She likes the pain to be something she can control. She stops trying to get rid of it. She accepts it as part of her life. 

She keeps her razors hidden under her bed. She doesn’t need her dad asking questions. 

Her life goes on. She joins the Academic Decathlon Team. Peter and Ned attempt to befriend her. She pushes them away. They don’t try any more after that. She goes to school, but it’s like she’s experiencing everything from a distance. Sometimes she sits just close enough to someone to make a smart-ass remark in their direction. Mostly, she just draws. She’s silent, so nobody sees her. She’s not cool, so nobody cares. She goes home each night to her father and he’s in one of his varying stages of drunk (if he’s even there at all) and so she’ll go hide in her room and she’ll pull out the razor and make small marks until the blood comes out. It’s pretty. Bright red, almost a happy color, and all shiny, like a small jewel. Her dad doesn’t notice the cutting. Or maybe he does. Why would he care?

There’s a point where MJ almost opens a pill bottle and ends herself. Pills are painless and easy. That’s what she tells herself. Just a small overdose, and she could be free. 

But then Shuri transfers to her school. 

Shuri, who comes in on the first day wearing a lesbian pride pin. Shuri, who’s rich and pretty and smart enough to be an Academic Decathlon Champion for three years in a row, undefeated. Shuri, who never needs to think before she speaks because she’s always eloquent, no matter what. Shuri, who for some reason wants to be friends with Michelle. 

Shuri’s the first one to notice MJ’s arms. 

She doesn’t ask questions- she’s smarter than that. Shuri knows that if she asks, MJ will stop trusting her. So Shuri just continues her life as normal, with the knowledge that maybe Michelle is slightly more depressed than she likes to let on. 

And so their friendship continues, and it’s a really great one. Shuri’s friends with loads of people, but she’s closest with Michelle. They sit together at lunch, and on the bus to-and-from school. Shuri makes MJ laugh. Shuri doesn’t pressure MJ to talk, and she likes it that way. Michelle doesn’t want to put the words into the conversation. When she speaks, everything comes out wrong. 

Eventually, MJ let’s her walls come down. Just a little. Only ever when she’s with Shuri. She still doesn’t speak very much, but she’ll answer simple questions. Yes’s and No’s like “Do you like the color yellow?” and “Are you an artist?” and “Do you like your family?” Michelle responds with nods or shakes of her head, but when she feels uncomfortable answering a question she shrugs, or has no response entirely. But that’s fine, because Shuri’ll just pull out one of her jokes and her charming smiles, and then everything will be forgiven. For some reason, MJ can never stay angry at Shuri. 

Shuri’s the first person to see Michelle’s sketchbook. 

It’s an accident, the way it begins. MJ’s notebook falls out of her hands on the bus, and Shuri races to pick it up. But when Shuri goes to close the cover, she fumbles it. She catches a glimpse inside. 

“I’m so, so sorry,” she says, knowing how MJ feels about people seeing her art. It’s a very private thing to her. The only time MJ can be herself is when she’s with Shuri or when she’s given a pencil and paper. Shuri tries to hand the sketchbook back to MJ, but the other girl pushes it away.

“No,” Michelle says, her voice only shaking a little. “It’s okay. You can look inside.”

So Shuri opens the sketchbook, and she sees the first drawing. A portrait of one of the kids from detention. There’s one of Peter, and one of Ned, and one of Flash. Some of the kids on the AcDec team. A few teachers. MJ draws people better than she draws anything else. 

“This… this is really good.”

MJ looks at the drawing and finds herself blushing crimson, her eyes falling straight back to her feet. It’s the one she did of two girls kissing. It’s only the profile, so it’s hard to tell who the girls are supposed to be. But it’s very obvious what they’re doing. MJ can’t believe Shuri just saw that. It’s one of the most private ones she’s done yet. But the Shuri’s hand is in her hand, and MJ looks up. 

When Shuri kisses her, it’s insane. Like the world’s spinning upside down and it won’t ever stop. 

They start hanging out more. More than ‘just friends’ do. But nothing else happens. Not for a while. They go to Shuri’s house, a big place in the suburbs, and Michelle meets her family. An amazing mom, and the best older brother ever. T’Challa seems a little skeptical when Shuri introduces MJ as a friend, but he pulls the two girls into a large hug all the same. They go to Shuri’s house a lot, to work on homework or school projects. MJ starts talking more. Shuri always listens. 

Sometimes they’ll even go to MJ’s apartment, when her dad’s not there. They sit on her small bed in her even smaller bedroom and they watch vines until it gets dark. Shuri never asks to meet Michelle’s family. MJ likes it that way. Shuri can sense that MJ’s home life is less than ideal. So when they go over to MJ’s apartment, they have rules. Stay in the bedroom. Don’t go anywhere else in the house, even if you hear a noise. If someone opens the door, Shuri has to hide, or go out on the fire escape. But despite the rules, they still have fun. MJ’s happier. 

She stops cutting. 

At least, for a little while. Shuri makes the usual pain go away. When MJ gets sad, her art is enough. Michelle even forgets the bottle of pills. She sells them to some guy on the street, gaining a profit of fifty dollars. Her father’s barely ever home at all anymore. Sometimes he’ll be gone for weeks at a time, instead of just days, and when he comes back MJ doesn’t see him for more than a couple of minutes. 

Since MJ’s father is gone for longer and longer expanses of time, they go to her apartment more and more. Eventually, they’re brave enough to have a second kiss. They’re sitting on MJ’s bed, watching vines, and MJ’s the one who kisses Shuri this time. They start being less careful. They still close the door every time they’re at Michelle’s, but they aren’t afraid to kiss. Not anymore. Sometimes, they go a little further than kissing. MJ has her top off and Shuri sees the full extent of her scars for the first time. 

“I can’t believe this happened,” she says. 

“It’s okay,” MJ replies, “I stopped.”

For now. 

T’Challa walks in on them one time, when they’re at Shuri’s. He pretends to be blind for the rest of the day, and he teases them relentlessly, but other than that he’s pretty cool about it. And he can’t tease Shuri forever, because she still has all of those videos of him trying out her tech and ending up slammed backwards against the wall. She threatens to post them on YouTube if he says anything to her mom. He shrugs, winking at MJ. MJ gives him a small grin in return. 

For a while, everything’s good. They’re careful. 

And then, one day, they’re at Michelle’s house. 

And things go wrong. 

It starts the way it always does. MJ unlocks the front door and she and Shuri go inside, eventually ending up in Michelle’s room, doing homework. They leave the door open this time. 

“Why should we close it?” Asks Shuri. “Your dad hasn’t been home in a month.”

And that’s true. MJ’s dad left a three weeks ago, and he still hasn’t come back. Michelle had to pay rent on her own, and the only reason she isn’t starving is because of the school’s free-lunch program. Also, Shuri’s family friend Okoye makes the best cookies. And of course Shuri shares. 

So they leave the door open and they work on geometry. The homework passes quickly, and when they’re done they watch Riverdale. And when Riverdale’s over… well, the kissing happens again, I suppose. Michelle’s happy. She has a girlfriend (if that’s what they’re calling it now) and her dad’s out of the picture, and she’s forgotten completely about everything else in the world other than her and Shuri, right here, right now, cuddled close together on her bed. 

“Son of a-” 

Michelle looks up, and instantly regrets it. 

Her father’s standing in the doorway. 

“I leave, for three weeks, and this is how you repay me?” He’s not yelling yet. This could be good, if it were any other person. But it’s not some normal guy. This is MJ’s father. Whenever he’s not yelling, it’s just a buildup to when he’ll be screaming at her later. 

MJ and Shuri move away from each other. Shuri looks at the splintering floorboards, at the cracked ceiling, anywhere but MJ’s father. Michelle does the opposite: she stares him straight in the eye. 

“You’ve never been a good girl,” he continues. “You’ve always been nothing but trouble. And yet I still pay the bills. And this is how you repay me? You go and find some slut off the street and fuck her with your door open?”

MJ glares at him. She wants to scream. She doesn’t like talking, but now all she wants is for her to shout and him to listen. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. She knows he’ll never understand that. 

“Sixteen years, I raised you. When your mother left, I stayed here to pick up the pieces. I looked after you. And when your grades were shit, I didn’t care. I let it slide. When you started to stay at the school late, I didn’t ask questions. And now I learn I’ve raised a dyke.”

“Dad-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU DON’T GET TO TALK RIGHT NOW.”

He must be drunk. It’s in his actions, in his eyes. MJ tries to figure out how bad it is- he’s still upright, so that’s something, but he doesn’t seem sane. Her father’s always been a functional drunk. But that doesn’t mean he’s not crazy when he drinks. Shuri reaches to pull a phone out of her pocket, probably to call the police, or her parents, or T’Challa. Michelle knows its a bad idea. 

“PUT THE GODDAMN PHONE DOWN.”

Shuri drops it. 

“AND YOU-” he points at Michelle. “OUT. PACK YOUR THINGS. YOU AND THE BITCH CAN LEAVE. GO FUCK OUT ON THE STREET, LIKE THE ANIMALS YOU ARE. MAYBE YOU’LL FIND GOD WHILE YOU’RE AT IT.” 

He leaves, slamming the door behind him. Through the walls, the girls hear another shouted sentence. 

“YOU’VE GOT TWO MINUTES.”

MJ jumps off the bed, grabbing her backpack and haphazardly throwing her things into it. 

“Shit, shit, shit shit shit shit shit shit shit…”

Shuri gets up too, trying to help Michelle pack. 

“What’s he going to do?” She whispers. 

MJ shrugs. “It’s never been this bad before. I didn’t think…” she freezes for a moment, trying not to cry. “I didn’t think he’d ever realize I was… that I’m…”

MJ isn’t good with words, but Shuri knows exactly what she’s trying to say. 

“It’s fine,” Shuri says. “What’s important right now is that we get you out of here.”

Shuri grabs her phone from the bed. With incredible speed, she texts her family. Then she goes back to helping MJ pack. 

“Does he have a weapon? A gun, or anything?”

MJ shrugs again. “I don’t know. We should probably go out through the fire escape, though. It’ll be safer that way.” 

They finish packing soon. It’s helpful that MJ actually doesn’t have that many things, other than a few photos, her sketchpad, and her things for school. And clothes, of course. But it all fits rather neatly into her backpack. Shuri opens the bedroom window, and out they go onto the fire escape. MJ carries her sketchpad in her arms. Shuri goes down the ladder first, and when it’s Michelle’s turn to go she passes her things down to Shuri and then climbs down herself. 

“My brother’s coming to pick us up,” Shuri says, “he’s going to meet us at the library.”

The library’s not far away. It’s a quick walk from MJ’s (old?) apartment. T’Challa’s right there, like he said he would be, and he pulls MJ into a warm bear hug as soon as she’s close enough. 

“I am so sorry. How long has it been like that?”

Michelle doesn’t answer. She’s never been good with words. 

They get in the car and drive away. MJ falls asleep on Shuri’s shoulder during the drive. 

“She’s lucky to have someone like you, sister,” T’Challa tells Shuri. 

Shuri smiles in a way that is both happy and sad. “We both are.”

Michelle dreams beautiful dreams. She’s free, now. 

For the first time in her life, she’s free.

**Author's Note:**

> Well guys I hope you enjoyed it. Now I have to go work on my French project. *sigh*
> 
> Leave me kudos????? And comments?????? Pleeeeeeeeeease????????


End file.
